As Seen on Socials - "Stop Screaming Or I'll Cum - Your Medic" 2x3 Patch (Black/Silver)

Warning: this patch does not come with medical training or a bedside manner — just a wicked sense of humor and the confidence to wear it. If you like your tactical gear with a side of eyebrow-raising humor, this 2" x 3" hook-backed patch says it loud and proud.

Perfect for the irreverent first-aider, the prank-loving squadmate, or anyone who wants to add a little chaos to their kit. Built for people who live by AXG Life — Life, Adventure-Ready — and don’t take every moment too seriously.

Key Features & Design

• Size: 2 inches high × 3 inches wide (classic 2x3 patch format)
• Color: Black background with silver lettering — bold contrast, readable from across a questionable campsite
• Backing: Hook fastener backing (works with loop panels on hats, bags, jackets)
• Material & Origin: Durable embroidered patch, made in the USA
• Style: As pictured — no alternate colorways (what you see is what you get)

Performance & Benefits

This patch solves a few problems simultaneously: it upgrades plain gear, declares your chaotic sense of humor, and prevents awkward silence when someone asks what that patch says. It adheres cleanly to loop panels so you can slap it on your favorite cap, plate carrier, backpack, or jacket without committing to sewing.

Built to withstand the outdoors — rain, mud, and the kind of questionable decisions that make for good stories. It’s small enough to not look like you’re trying too hard, but loud enough that people will notice. Turns stuck weekends into memorable stories and makes your kit feel less beige and more you.

Whether you’re a Tactical Gear Junkie, a prankster, or just somebody who appreciates blunt honesty on a patch, this is the accessory that says, “I’m prepared — and mildly inappropriate.”

Ready to stick on and stir the pot?

Add to cart and let your kit do the talking (and the awkward silences).